To Give Or Not To Give

Proverbs 11:24

Once man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.

This is something, I think, we all need to remember.  The society we find ourselves in today tells us the exact opposite of this verse.  We’re told that we need to get all we can get and hold onto that for dear life, only letting go if we’ll get more out of it.  And now we’ve embraced that whole heartedly.  It has been part of human nature since the beginning in the Garden of Eden, but only recently has it become the social norm.  It has become a rarity for someone to for another person without any ulterior motives and only for the satisfaction of helping another in need. 

Which is the exact opposite of how it should be.  We should be out there helping each other whenever the opportunity arises, just because we can.  It doesn’t even have to be anything huge.  We don’t know what is going on in the lives of the people around us.  Someone could be dealing with depression, and a friendly hello could be all it takes to keep them from taking their own life.  A smile, a wave, holding the door open, the smallest of things can have the biggest of impacts.  Sometimes that’s all a person needs to get them through another day. 

If you see an opportunity to help someone, do it.  I mean come on, what’s the worst that could happen?  They refuse your help and you walk away.  That’s not going to do anything.  But if you don’t offer that help at all, you could be missing the chance to make a huge impact in someone’s life.  Because people don’t care about God until we show them that there is something to care about.  They don’t want to hear us talking about Jesus and how awesome he is until they know that we believe it with everything we do. 

People want to see God, not hear about Him.  It’s up to us to live our lives so that anyone watching sees God through us. 

So give freely and you’ll be amazed at what happens.  

Can I Truly Be Forgiven?

Romans 5: 6,8

When we were unable to help ourselves, at the moment of our need, Christ died for us, although we were living against God….God shows His great love for us in this way: Christ died for us while we were still sinners.

Let me ask you something.  Do you think God loves you?  Honestly now, do you think He really loves you?  Or do you think that he can’t love you after what you’ve done?  I mean, after all the terrible things you’ve done, and may be doing, God can’t possibly still love you, right? 

In this case I think you’ll be happy to know that you’re wrong.  Completely wrong, without a question or doubt about it.  Because unless you make it your life’s purpose to hate on God and do everything you can to tear Him and His followers down, then there’s nothing He can’t forgive.  The thing is, He can always forgive you, no matter what at any point or time.  You could have lived a terrible life full of violence, drugs, and sex, but if you go to God and ask for repentance, He’s going to give it to you.  His love is unconditional. 

Go back and read those verses at the beginning again.

“While we were still sinners.”

I want you to focus on that part.  Because that is the crux of the matter.  That is how you know God will always forgive and His love will never fail. 

The world was in shambles, sin was rampart, the people were blatantly living against God. Yet he sent His son, Jesus, down to them.  When they were neck deep in sin, that’s when God sent His son.  Not when things were going good.  Not when everyone was being faithful.  Not in the beginning when He saw that all was good.  Nope, He sent His lil’ boy down when the world was a mess.  Why?  So He could fix it.  That’s what God does, He fixes us.  There is no select Christian order that you have to be perfect in order to join.  There is no level of goodness you have to reach before God will love you.  There is nothing but His love for you.  Right now and forever.

You may be broken and feel defeated.  You may think that nothing can save you from the rocky bottom you’ve sunk to.  But if you let Him, God can.  Don’t think by that I’m saying it will be easy.  That God will come in and all your problems will be solved.  I’m not saying that at all.  Just the opposite, in fact.  It will be a long, hard road.  There will be obstacles, hardships and trials, but in the end, the reward makes it all seem like nothing.  And God will be there with you every step of the way.  He will never leave your side and He will always be a strong tower for you to find refugee in. 

Trust in Him, and He will lead you.

Dear Lord, thank you.  Thank you for saving me, my soul.  I once was lost, but now I’m found, blind but now I see.  Your grace is beyond amazing, without it I would lost forever.  I ask, for those still wandering, you reach them and show them your great love, and let them see that you want to forgive them, of whatever it may be.  Show them that they need only ask.

Amen.

Spit It Out!

Proverbs 15:28

The heart of the righteous weighs it answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.

Proverbs 16:24

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 16:32

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.

Proverbs 17:14

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Proverbs 21:23

Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.

Is it just me, or is there a pattern here?  It would seem that we are being warned against the hasty use of our vocal abilities.  Our words, if you will.  Because those seemingly insignificant things are the most deadly weapon mankind possesses. 

Yes, the old saying is “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never harm me”, but never has an old saying been more wrong.  Words can destroy so much more effectively than any material weapon.  Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time can ruin friendships far easier than a blow can. 

Yet we use this inherent power so flippantly.  We tear down others in order to make ourselves look better in the moment.  You know what I’m talking about.  That time when you’re talking with your group of friends and Joey says something that sets up a beautiful comeback that you know will make everyone laugh, even though it is hurtful to Joey.  But what does it matter?  It’s just words, just a joke.  He’ll understand and get over it.  And that might true.  He could take the joke and laugh with everyone else, even though it hurts.  Because it will hurt.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a joke.  It doesn’t matter if he knows it’s a joke.  No matter which way you cut it, you thought that of Joey, and you said it, and it’s going to hurt.

No biggy, though, right? Just a little laugh at Joey’s expense that you’ll all forget tomorrow.  Except not.  It’s just the beginning.  Now, with the success from last time, when the opportunity arises again, you don’t hesitate to let that snappy remark fly.  Pretty soon it becomes habit and you don’t even think about it anymore.  The only thing you think about is how to produce even more clever remarks, no matter how hurtful they might be. 

And that is the desensitized state of our society.  It’s second nature now, for everyone.  When that opportunity knocks, when that awesome comeback flashes in our minds, we don’t stop to consider the consequences.  Nope, we just blurt it out.  People laugh, we feel good.  Except for that little twinge for the person we used.  Even that disappears soon. 

That’s exactly what we do not want to be.  What I do not want to be.  It’s yet another thing I struggle with daily.  Because we’re always around people, whether it be family or friends, and I can guarantee that the urge to be the funny guy at the expense of others is gonna be there.  I feel it all the time, and I see it in others even more often.  I’ve seen how it hurts people, even when they try to make it seem like it doesn’t.  So I try my hardest to never give into the urge to blurt those things out when it comes to me.  Yeah, it may make me seem like the quiet dude who never really says anything.  Sure, I might seem like the socially awkward homeschooler.  But let me ask you a question.

Which is more important:  Your social standing, or another person’s feelings?

Dear Lord, I ask that You open my eyes and ears and close my mouth.  I want to listen and consider before answering with something that I will regret.  I thank You for the guidance You have given me through Your word and ask that You move in both mine and the reader’s life through it.  Amen.

Each To His Own

Romans 14: 5-6

One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike.  Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind.  Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord.  Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.

(I only put a few verses here, so I would suggest going to Romans and reading the whole chapter)

There’s a lot of division in the church, isn’t there?  So many different denominations with so many different beliefs.  There is only one Bible, yet each denomination has its own view of what’s important and/or pertinent.  According to human logic, only one of them can be correct.  Yet, that’s not how it works.  For so long as we are fully convinced that what we are doing and how we are doing is good and right by the Lord, then that is what we should do.  It doesn’t matter if a fellow Christian does it differently.  As long as that person is fully convinced in their own mind, their way is the correct one.  For them.  And what’s right for one person is wrong for another.

Now I’m not saying that anyone who is fully convinced about something is right.  There are a lot of people out there fully convinced about stuff and are completely wrong about it.  But so long as you take the Bible, read it, and base your beliefs solidly in the Word, then you’re fine.  Because the Bible is God’s word for us.  We disobey that, obviously we’re wrong.  So if we base a belief off of something in the Bible, it should be correct. 

I say “should” because it is possible, as it is with anything, to take the Bible out of context.  It is something that is done far too often.  It is a very large book, and it covers a very long period of time.  No one part of the Bible can stand alone.  Each book, each verse, is affected by the others.  They all combine to create God’s plan for us.  So to be able to fully grasp what He wants us to learn, we have to take everything we read in context.  When the rules are set down in the Old Testament, we have to be aware of how those are affected in the New.  When we see a verse that seems contrary to something, we have to read the surrounding verses in order to understand. 

That said, let me reiterate.  As long as you are fully convinced in what you believe, based firmly on the Bible as a whole, then don’t worry about what other people are doing.  Whether they are right or wrong is no concern of yours (of course there are exceptions, but I’m not going to get into those).

Dear Lord, convict us.  Show us the truth of Your word.  Let us be able to distinguish between what is Your will and what is the way of the world. 

Amen.

1 Timothy 1:13-14

Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.  The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Now if you don't know who is writing this segment, it’s a man named Paul, who is a great man of God.  He established many churches, brought countless people to Christ, and wrote a large portion of the New Testament.  But he wasn't always like that.  As a young man, his name was Saul, not Paul, and his goal in life was to find and kill any proclaiming to be Christians.  It was only after a direct confrontation with God that he saw his error and repented, becoming Paul.  You can find the full story in Acts, starting in chapter 7. 

Now Saul wasn't beating around the bush at all.  He was out there imprisoning and killing Christians left and right as fast and efficiently as he could.  And all the while he was blaspheming God.  Yet, even after all of that, God took that man, turned him around, and made him into one of the great men of the Bible.  This is a murderer we're talking about here.  A man who blatantly disrespecting God.  But even with all of that, God still forgave him and washed him clean. 

I know that sometimes when we look at our sins and the evil we've done, it doesn't seem possible that God could ever forgive us.  But to God it doesn't matter.  He loves you, now and forever.  No matter what you do, He will always love you.  If you love Him back and want to live for Him, He’s not going to reject you.  There is no possible way that God is going to say “No, you have too much sin on you, I can't forgive you”.  Not single way in the universe that He would ever say that.  If you ask, He will wash you clean of your sins and give you a fresh start.  Now and forever.  Over and over.  Because no one is perfect and sin doesn't just leave.  Even after you accept Jesus, you will be tempted and you will fall.  The trick is learning to pick yourself back up, and to learn on the Lord, for He will always be there to brush you off and strengthen you when you need it most. 

Something I am eternally grateful for, because I am by no means a perfect Christian.  Pretty much everything I post here are things I struggle with personally all the time.  It took me a long time to truly accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior because I believed that my sins were too much for Him to forgive.  Even now those thoughts come to me when I sin.  How can God keep forgiving me as I sin over and over?  At times it seems like I let Him down too much to bear.  Yet bear it He does, for His love is never ending, and as long as I remember that, I am safe in Him.

Dear Lord, I thank You for Your everlasting grace.  Without it I would be lost.  Amen.

Romans 6:11

…Count yourselves dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

When we accept God into our lives as our Lord and Savior and promise to live for Him, we die.  Not literally, of course.  People don’t drop dead when they accept Christ.  It is figurative that we die and are “born again”, to signify that we are no longer held captive by sin.  Thus, count yourself dead to sin.  It sounds simply, right?  Of course it does.  The hardest things often times sound the simplest.  You may be dead to sin after accepting Christ, but that doesn’t mean sin isn’t going to come around and try to resurrect you.  It will, over and over, and the mistake many people make is that it is a natural process that we give in to sin every once in a while.  God’s always ready to forgive us, so it’s all good, right?  Wrong.  Not that God is always ready to forgive us.  He is.  But that doesn’t mean it’s all good.  Just because you know God will forgive you for sinning doesn’t give you the go ahead to sin.  In fact, if that thought occurs to you, it means you know what you’re doing is a sin and you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. 

Know that God will not send anything at us that we cannot stand against (1 Corinthians 10:13).  So we can stand against any temptation that comes our way.  If we don’t, if we give into that sin, it’s not God’s fault, it’s not Satan’s fault, it’s our fault.  We failed to stand strong in our faith and thus fell prey to sin. 

None of this is to say that it’s easy.  None of it is to say that if you sin you’re weak and pathetic.  I can’t hold that I don’t sin on a daily basis, because I do.  Big or small, it is a daily presence in my life.  I have to fight every day to even recognize it.  Human nature is sinful, and that makes it very hard to be able to see my sins.  It could just be an angry word, but that is still sin, for God tells us to control our anger.  Anger is one of the parts of my old self.  A part I said I would leave behind when I accepted Christ. Before, I didn’t even realize it was there.  Now I have to fight against it daily, and let me tell you, it ain’t easy.  Not by a long shot.  But through God’s grace, I am improving. 

Never underestimate the power of prayer.  When that temptation hits you, just pray.  About anything.  Give thanks for your life, your family, and your friends.  Pray for those you know are in need.  Pray about anything in your life, and that temptation will fade away, I guarantee, because you can’t maintain sinful thoughts when you’re talking with God.  It has helped me time and time again and it can help you too. 

The end result is, as always, pursue God will everything you have and He will take care of you.  Sin cannot stand against Him, and if you are strong  in Him, it cannot stand against you either.

Die so that you may live.

Dear Lord, I thank You for the many blessings You have given me.  I ask for Your help each and every day as I try to draw nearer to You.  All that is good and beautiful in this life comes from You, and that is all I want.  I thank You for this reader and ask that You enter their life and show them Your will and help them stand strong when sin comes knocking. 

A New Beginning

Hey guys.  Owen Tucker.  And today I’m going to be introducing something new.  For those of you who don’t know, I am a Christian.  Christ is my savior and Lord of my life.  I will follow where He leads me and I believe that he has lead me to use this blog.  So now, instead of blurps from my life, I will be posting verse from the Bible and discussing them.  It will simply be what I think about what the Bible is trying to say to me (and sometimes John).  Something that I hope others might benefit by.  I am not trying to tell anyone how to live their lives, or what they should take away from scripture.  These are simply my observations concerning the Word.  Take from that what you will.

(As a side, all the verses I use will be taken from an NIV Bible)

Romans 5: 3-4

…But we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Glory in suffering.  This is a theme found throughout the Bible over and over.  It is one we as Christians are thoroughly familiar with.  Yet it is one of the hardest to see in our everyday lives.  Who stubs a toe and thinks “Glory to God!”?  Most think of a choice word instead.  But even with something small and insignificant seeming as stubbing a toe, we can and should see glory.  Because in that instance, it is offering the chance to control anger.  For when we take suffering and accept it, in whatever form it may come in, we strengthen our faith.  We build ourselves in God.  We produce perseverance.  And with perseverance comes character.  A character built in faith.  Strong with God.  When we take suffering happily, seeing the glory, no matter how small, we persevere in our faith and come closer to our Lord.  With that strengthened relationship comes the hope. When we are strong with God, when we know He is our Lord, Savior, and Redeemer, how can we not have hope?  That is the very essence of hope.  All we await is His return to fulfill that hope.

How can you apply this to your own life?  I know I can apply it each and every day in my life.  Everything I said in the previous paragraph sounds wonderful, but it’s a different story trying to put it into practice.  Above is what we should do, and why we should do it.  Enter the human element.  Our innate, sinful desires that always push us away from what is best.  The part that tells me to say that choice word when I stub my toe instead of seeing and accepting the chance to persevere.  That is what makes doing the above so difficult.  It is a constant battle each day to be able to hold to the Lord and follow his commands.  A battle I am determined to win.  When the opportunity arises, I will strive to see it in the light of God’s glory and act accordingly.  Will you?

If so, or even if not, you might consider a short prayer right now.  Because we can and should always talk to God.  About everything.

Dear Lord, I ask for Your wisdom to come upon me.  Allow me to see these things as they appear to me, and let me act in a way according to Your Word, so that I may not stumble.  I thank You for those reading this and ask that it might help them in some way.  Amen.

Breaking News

I'm Back

--Owen Tucker

Rumination

Well well well.  It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  Things got a little crazy, and along with the build up and my inherent inclination to procrastinate, I’m afraid posting fell to the wayside.  I’ll be starting back up again now, never fear.  Probably not as consistently as before.  A week or two may go by without a post.  I’ll try to keep ‘em steady though.

But I don’t see Owen making an appearance in the near future.  Let’s just say he’s gone AWOL for now.  Instead, I’ll be ruminating on whatever happens to come to mind.  So yeah, bit of overall content change going on here.  New year, new blog, I guess.  Still balderdash, of course.  Simply a different type.  Because pearls of wisdom are not gonna be coming forth from this fella. 

Anyway, how about them gun control laws? 

Naw, not really.  Politics is a realm into which I shall not delve.  I don’t know enough to be able to say anything that hasn’t already been said.  I’ll be sticking to what I know from my brief experience in this world.  And while that’s not much, it’s all I have at the moment. 

I’ve learned a lot in the past couple years.  About life in general.  One of the main things that I’ve learned is that friends are important.  Because what is life without people to enjoy it with? 

Friends can go both ways, though.  They can make life a whole lot more fun, but they can also bring a lot of pain.  You have to be careful.  You have to find the ones that are worth it.  Some friends come and go with the passing of school years.  Some stick all the way through high school, but then fade away.  Others might even last a lifetime.  There are the ones that you never get past the stage of small talk with, and then there are the ones you stay up with all night, just talking. 

Find the ones that mean the most to you and don’t let them go.  And don’t think it will be a smooth ride.  You’ll get hurt, even by those closest to you, maybe even especially both those closest.  That’s when you have to decide whether or not they’re worth it.  You will never find anyone that you always agree with on everything.  You just have to find to the friends who you can disagree with, and still love.

Do that and you’ll live long and prosper.  Or not.

Fare Thee Well...For Now

   My friends, I am afraid I must give you some bad news.  For the next three weeks I shall not be blogging.  Things are piling up here as the end of the semester draws near. 
   Never fear, though.  On the 17th, Owen Tucker shall return.

Thanksgiving

   Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 
   Oh.  Wrong holiday?  I knew that!  What I meant to say is, Happy Thanksgiving!  May you eat turkey evermore and count thine blessings. 
   Have a good day everyone.

Newcomer

   Note from Owen Tucker:  You may read the paragraphs following this and become righteously indignant, saying that these legends were horribly mangled.  This, I will not argue with.  All I can say is that I’m relating these things as they happened to me.  Who knows?  Maybe we’ve had the wrong legends this whole time.

   “Pft, that’s nothing.  I never knew my mother, father, or even an uncle!”
   I spun around to find the source of this new voice, which happened to be an dark skinned kid in robes floating up on a magic carpet about ten feet up. 
   My my.  The nut jobs really are attracted to you.
   The kid frowned. “Your ring is really very rude.  You should do something about that.”
   I gape at him. “You can hear him?”
   “Of course I can.”
   “But, how?”
   The kid held up his right hand and wiggled his ring finger, upon which a ring was sitting.
   “You’ve got a magic ring too?”
   He grinned. “No duh.”
   I glared at Dave and Poncho. “So much for that whole mighty, powerful, and really unique junk.”
   I am far more powerful than that fellow’s ring.
   So am I, as it has been established that I’m more powerful than Davey.
   No such thing has been established!
   The kid chuckled. “Yeah, Cameon, I completely agree.”
   I scratched my head.  Things were getting a bit more complicated than usual.
   “So, uh,” I started. “Who’s Cameon?”
   “My ring.”
   “Oh.  But I didn’t hear him say anything.”
   The kid shrugged. “Sucks to be you, then.  Because he just said something.”
   “You are a very insolent boy,” Dan interjected. “I believe we should curb his tongue, Sir Owen.”
   Fire formed around his hand. 
   I rolled my hands. “You’re really going to shoot a ten year old kid with a fireball?”
   “Hey!” the kid objected. “I’m twelve.”
   “Same diff, little punk.  What’s your name anyway?”
   “Alabbin.”
   I frowned. “Say what again?”
   “Alabbin.  Haven’t you heard of me?”
   I shook my head. “Nope, sure haven’t.  I’ve heard of Aladdin, though.”
   “You must have heard of me!  I am the famous Alabbin.  I steal from the rich and give to the poor!”
   I held up a hand. “Wait wait wait.  That’s Robin Hood there.”
   He frowned. “Who is Robin Hood?”
   “He’s the guy who steals from the rich and gives to the poor.”
   Alabbin shrugged. “Never heard of him.  But he is clearly trying to ride off of my reputation.”
   “What reputation?”
   “Haven’t you been listening?  I’m the most notorious ‘criminal’,” he made the accompanying hand gestures with the word, “in the ten kingdoms.”
   “What ten kingdoms?”
   Alabbin was silent for a few seconds, then he nodded. “I agree.  He is rather dense.”
   “Hey!  No need to be rude here.”
   He shrugged and grinned. “Simply agreeing with my good, truth telling friend.”
   I glared at him. “Be that as it may, still no call.  Now, since you are obviously Aladdin in disguise, I assume you have a magic lamp?”
   He glanced up at the sky. “Lamp?  I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
   “Oho, sure.  Now I know you definitely have a magic lamp.  And at the moment, a magic lamp would be a really big help.  So might we be able to borrow it for a moment?”
   He rubbed his chin. “Hm, lemme think about that.  No!”
   With that, he jerked his carpet around and sped away.
   “After him!” I yelled and took off running.
   Well, running through sand is slow business, and Alabbin began getting smaller and smaller in the distance.
   “We’re losing him!  Can’t you make us fly or something, Dave?  What good is a magic ring if I have to walk everywhere?”
   And just like that I was streaking along ten feet off the ground.

   To be continued…

We Wish You A Merry Christmas!

     So.  We meet again.
     Activate tree powers!
     (For those not in the loop, that means I just turned into a tree which somehow saved the universe.  How I accomplished this is for me to know and you to not.)
     And how the above sentences in any way relate to the rest of this post is for someone to know and me to wonder about.  However, I do think that posts should have some relevancy.  That there should be a point around which the whole post revolves.  Usually something like that helps. 
     Not today.
     Today we have what is best known as irrelevancy (I was going to say nonrelevancy, but it turns out that’s not a word).  It’s the thing where I say something like, if the world were to stop turning right now you would probably die, and it makes complete sense.  Of course, when you think about that one a bit more, it really does make perfect sense.  But if your dog ate your pickle, your cat would die in a terrible car accident.  And that would not make very much sense at all.  Although it would imply that the world is not quite right, which would be correct in the current circumstantial circumstances.  If you were the one that ate that cheeseburger on the 22nd of March 2003.  If that wasn’t you, well then I’m sorry to say that you aren’t the lucky bugger who just became a million dollars richer.  But if you would like to know the chap’s name, you can ask the nice lady at the condiment bar.  She’ll tell you.  Or she could just smile and hand you some napkins and ketchup.  That’s always possible too.  It’s a bit of a gamble though.  Because if she doesn’t do either of those things, you’ll probably die.  And if you take the ketchup, you’ll definitely die.  But if you refuse the napkins, you just might live.  So long as the flying spiders don’t get you first.  Oh, and the grammar Nazis.  Those guys are vicious.  Hitler had no idea what he created. 
     Hey, did you know that gravity is a lie?  Yup, it’s true.  Gravity is not what keeps us glued to this planet.   And I, brilliant as I am, have discovered what the truth is.  The fact is that nothing keeps us here.  That’s right, nothing at all.  There is no force, tangible or otherwise, that is keeping us from floating away.  Do you know why?  Okay then, I’ll tell you why.  It’s because we believe that gravity keeps us here.  It is impossible for us to wrap our minds around the possibility that gravity is nonexistent and that we could fly if we would simply acknowledge this fact.  After all, what is gravity?  Naught but an idea brought about by an apple to some dreamer dreaming a dream under a tree.  Having dreamed his dream, the apple dropped upon his head and dispelled that dream, prompting a single word to his mind.  Gravity.  A word the entire world accepted as truth.  A deception that sweep the earth like no other.  Never questioned, never doubted.
     Until now.
     Cue dramatic music!  DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN! 
     Hhhmmm.  Y’know, I kinda think the dramatic music there rather killed the drama.  Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Sand Grains and Mothers

   The first thing that hit me, literally and figuratively, was the heat. 
   “It is quite hot here,” Dan said.
   “Yeah,” I agreed. “Pretty darn like.” 
   As I take a closer look around, something seems off.  Or, maybe on.
   “Hey!” I yell, making the kids jump. “I think I recognize this place.”
   “Are ya daft, laddie?” Wilfred scoffed. “It’s a desert.  Big, sendy heels fer as far as ya can see. Thay all look tha sem.”
   “Oh no,” I shook my head. “Not to me.  I can tell by some of the sand grains.”
   Dave snorted.  Sand grains.  Right.
   MphmmmmM!
   “Poncho, I will let you speak again on the condition that you and Dave do not bore me to tears with your hatred of each other.  Okay?”
   Mhm.
   “All right.  Dave, let him talk again.”
   Must I really?
   “Yes, yes you must.”
   Very well.
   Poncho sighed.  Ah.  Oh yes, that’s much better.
   “Poncho!” Dan exclaimed. “My old friend!  Where have you been?”
   Do I really have to answer that?
   I shook my head just a tad, but didn’t say anything.
   In that case, Dan, continue to wonder.
   “Why thank you, Poncho,” Dan said. “I believe I’ll do that.”
   “Yes, good,” I said. “You have fun.  Can we please get back to this familiar desert?”
   All right, Owen.  Just how, pray tell, can you distinguish between grains of sand?
   “Well you see,” I reached down and grabbed a handful of sand. “Each grain is like a snowflake.  No two are alike.”  I pour the sand out until I have just a few grains left. “Now, if you look close enough, you can plainly see the difference.”
   Wilfred landed on my hand next to the grains. “Are ya sure aboot thet, laddie?”
   “Yes, yes I am.  You of all, er, flies should be able to tell that.”
   “Weel Ah’m afraid Ah cen’t.”
   I held my ring hand up to my other hand. “How about you, Dave?  Can you tell?”
   Why yes.  That grain on the right has a distinctive purple look while the other looks rather green.
   “Exactly!  Wait…” I looked again. “They do not!  That one is yellow, and that one is brown.  What are you, color blind?”
   As ever, Davey, your sarcasm fails with amazing success.
   Oh shut it, Poncho.  You have never appreciated the fine arts.
   “Hey!  You two.  Don’t even get started.  We’ve got more important things to discuss.  Because I have definitely seen this desert before.”
   “Naw, laddie, Ah’m afraid you haven’t.”
   “Don’t tell me what I haven’t seen!” I thought for a second.  “Hhmm, that sounds really familiar.”  I thought some more.  “Oh well, I lost it.”
   I’m thinking there is something seriously wrong with this boy.
   And you’re just now figuring this out?
   No.  I thought that the first time he spoke.  I just now decided to chuck all courtesy and say it out loud.
   Oh, well, good for you then.
   “You guys do know that I can hear you, right?”
   Yes, of course.
   Why would we be talking about you otherwise?
   “Now that’s just rude.  Didn’t your mothers teach you manners?”
   Mothers?  What mothers?  We’re rings, we don’t have mothers.
   “Oh.  That’s…sad.”
   No.  It’s…actually…yeah…it is kind of sad…
   Oh man up, Poncho.
   But, Dave, I never had a mother!
   Neither did I, but do you hear me crying about it?
   No.  But that’s because you’re coldhearted and cruel.
   True.
   “Okay, guys, I did not mean to start a pity party here.”
   I am not engaging in any self-pity.  I am perfectly functional even without a mother, thank you very much.
   I never knew my mother!

   To be continued…

Fallish Stuff

     My friends (or enemies), the season that is known as fall is upon us.  Unless of course you’re in a place like, uh, say Texas, where Christmas weather is high seventies.  Which kind of sucks sometimes.  Because right now, even though we’re already in November, the weather here is still bright, sunny, and hot.  In November.  Now that’s just wrong. 
     And you know something else wrong with November that is completely unrelated to the weather?  Turkeys.  Yes, I did just say turkeys.  The fowls we devour on Thanksgiving Day.  Those are indeed the ones I am referring to.  Why are turkeys wrong?  Because they are!  Does everything need a reason to be wrong?  Can’t something just be wrong because it is? Ugh, fine.  You want a reason, I’ll give you a reason.  But it is a terrible, terrible reason that may scar you for the rest of your life.  If you really wish to know it, keep on reading.  If you don’t, skip the next paragraph.
     You wanted to know, so now you’ll know.  This is the reason turkeys are wrong.  The Turkey Holocaust.  Otherwise known as, Thanksgiving.  That’s right.  The time of year when turkeys are rounded up and slaughtered in the millions.  A day celebrated by countless thousands, millions, billions, trillions!  Because it isn’t just this year.  It wasn’t just last year.  It was the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before that, and, I hope you’re beginning to see the pattern, the year before that!  It has been going on for centuries.  And growing for centuries.  The meals becoming ever more extravagant.  And the turkey remains the focal point of it all.  Now, Thanksgiving wouldn’t be right without the turkey.  Well, by all means, keep the turkey.  There is nothing to say you can’t have the turkey.  Just not fried and dead on your platters.  I’m sure your turkey would love to join you for some cranberry sauce on Thanksgiving, and just maybe a bit of that pumpkin pie.
     It’s like Elmo eating Big Bird, just because it’s Thanksgiving.  Think of what kind of message that’s sending your children.  “Hey kids.  When the holiday gets here, remember, it’s national eat your bird friend day.  Have fun.”  Imagine the carnage that would ensue.  Wait.  No.  On second thought, don’t imagine.  It’s better left alone.  The possibilities are too gruesome.  Cats doing it is bad enough, the thought of little children joining in is simply too horrific.  Doesn’t bear thinking about.  Agh!  Stop talking about it, would you!  Now I can get these images out of my head.  Oh man, I’m never getting a good night’s sleep again.
     What I’m trying to say here is that as Thanksgiving approaches, just stop to think for a second.  Think about your life, your family, your friends, everything you have.  All that is good and wonderful about life.  Then ask yourself this question.  With all those wonderful things you have, do you really need to ruin that image of love and prosperity by bloodily murdering a turkey for your dinner?

Around the Universe in Six Feet

Note:  Sorry guys, no Owen today.  Instead, here's a story about another kid I know.


    This story is about a kid who was bored. He got so bored he found the nearest bottomless pit and threw himself into it. He fell the tiresome amount of five feet, and disappeared.
    When he reappeared, he was in space and he wasn’t dead, just floating around. He waved his arms and legs, but it only spun him in circles and made him sick. Next he tried blowing himself around. He blew as hard as he could, but it didn’t do anything at all. A meteor flew by and he stopped mid-blow and stared. It was a very slow and strange meteor. It flew in lazy circles around him. It went round and round, making him sick again. Then it stopped in front of him. It hovered there, motionless and said.
   “What are you doing?”
   The kid stared at the meteor for several minutes before realizing that it had asked him a question.
   “Oh, uh, I’m blowing myself someplace.” He thought the meteor was staring at him, but since it didn’t have a face he couldn’t tell for sure.
   “You’re going real fast.”
   He nodded. “Yeah, I know.”
   “You want a ride?” The meteor asked.
   “Sure!”
   “Hop on.”
   “Okay.”
   Without further ado, the kid hopped onto the meteor. As soon as the kid had taken hold, the meteor streaked off into space. Lucky the meteor had plenty of handholds, so the kid didn’t fall off. His transport flew up, faster and faster, then plunged straight down, into the black darkness of space. Then it shot off towards the sun.
   “Look out!“ The kid yelled.
   “Why?” The meteor asked.
   “If we hit that, we’ll be crispified!”
   “No we won’t.”
   The meteor laughed as it headed straight for the sun. As it streaked closer and closer the kid screamed in fear, but the scream was lost in the empty space of space. They hit the sun and went right on going. There was a whole other world inside the sun. It was amazingly bright; everything was crystal clear, no clouds, darkness or shadows. Just light, everywhere and everything was pure light. The kid stared in amazement. There were light-people dancing around everywhere inside the sun, with no gravity of any kind. They floated, bounced, jumped and ran all over the place.
    The meteor went in a slow circle, all the way around the inside of the sun. Then it shot up and burst outside, back into space. This time it headed directly for the planet Jupiter. It looked so small from the sun, but as they got closer, it grew bigger. They were in and out of it, poof! Just like that, streaking into the unknown beyond.
    The kid saw another planet in the distance. It was big, it was huge, and it looked a lot like, Earth. The meteor had pulled a super sharp u-turn as soon as they had entered Jupiter and shot back to Earth. It slowed as they approached, until they were hovering above the earth.
   “Why didn’t you bust into it?” The kid asked.
   “Because I can’t.” The meteor answered. “If I did, we’d be flatter then pancakes.”
   “Oh. Well, what now?”
   “Now you get off.”
   The meteor performed a quick flip and the kid fell the amazing amount of one foot and hit the bottom of the six foot cliff.

Time for a Test

     Tests.  You gotta love them.  Love to hate them that is.  I mean really, who likes tests?  Let’s face it, tests are hard, unpleasant, and just not nice all around.  And if you’re thinking, “psh, whatever, I’ve got easy tests”, then those ain’t real tests.  The very definition of the word “test” means something difficult.  Something tough, not easy, that pushes you to the limit of your endurance!  And then, when you get there, it kills you!  Deader than a dead doornail made out of dead metal in a dead plant of deadness.  Yes, that is pretty dead. 
     And there are so many freakin’ tests!  School tests, school tests, school tests, oh hey, did I mention the school tests?  They aren’t the only tests, of course, but for the early years of your life, those are the main ones.  Then we’ve got the moral tests, courage tests, physiological tests, attention tests, patience tests, and all sorts of junky tests like that one there. 
     Here is a very difficult moral test for you.  It is about an hour before dinnertime.  Your mother has told you that you are not allowed to eat anything before dinner.  BUT!  You are very hungry.  And you just happened to know that there is one cookie left in the cookie jar.  Just one, no more, no less.  Don’t forget, you are very hungry.  The question is, should you eat the cookie, not eat the cookie, or feed the cookie to starving animal living outside under your shed? 
     This is a very serious dilemma.  If you eat the cookie, you will be full and satisfied till dinnertime.  A most satisfactory result.  If you do not eat the cookie, you will be empty till dinner, not quite satisfactory.  If you give the cookie to the starving animal that is living under your shed, your mother will think that you ate the cookie, never believing your story about the animal under your shed.  A most unsatisfactory result.  Thus, the obvious solution to this test is to eat the cookie! 
     Now, for a test of your courage.  You must be an extremely courageous person if you are to succeed at this test.  You’re at home.  Your mother is driving home.  She turns into the driveway (it’s a very long driveway) and her accelerator sticks.  All the way down.  You have three choices.  You can jump in front of the car in the hopes that your body will provide sufficient cushion to make a difference.  You can throw your little brother, who happens to be standing next to you, in front of the car, in the hopes that his body will provide some cushion at all.  Or, you can do nothing. 
     Of course the first one isn’t desirable, as it would undoubtedly end in your death and really not change anything.  The second seems like a good idea though.  You stay alive, uninjured, and live on with a feeling of having successfully doing everything in your power given the situation.  The third leaves you feeling like a useless failure at life who freezes up at every emergency.  And so we come to the conclusion that the solution is to toss your little brother in front of the car!
     And there you are!  Two fully developed simulations that let you know exactly what to do in scary situations like that.  You’re very welcome.

     Note from the editors:  The author of this post is insane and demon-possessed.  Whether you take his advice or not is up to you.  The consequences of whatever actions you may take, whether or not they are influenced by this post at all, are on your head entirely.

Golden Guys and Bears

   Note from Owen Tucker:  Remember that disclaimer from last time?  About the violence and all that good junk?  You did?  Oh good.  Now I don’t have to repeat myself and can get right down to business.

   “Hey, that’s not nice!” I yelled down the stairs. “My foot is very relevant.”
   “Obliteration commencing.”
   With that, the sound of marching feet filled the air. Dan tugged on my arm. 
   “What is happening?” he asked.
    I shrugged. “I really ain’t got a clue.  Somebody wants to obliterate some stuff, though.”
   The marching got closer.  I looked down the stairs and saw what was causing it.  It was an army of robotic men.  Golden, robotic men.  That had to be the weirdest color choice. 
   I raised my hand that had Dave on it. “All right, fellows, you’d all best stop, right there, or it won’t be pretty.”
   One of the robots who appeared to be in the lead pointed to my hand. “Target acquired.”
   “What?  My hand?  What do you want with my hand?”
   “Hand, irrelevant.  The Sword, relevant.”
   “What the heck is the Sword?”
   Hmphhphfyupf!
   “Okay fine.  Poncho, let Dave talk.”
   Ah.  Now, for your education, I am the Sword.
   “No.  You’re a ring.”
   Don’t you remember anything?  When you found me, I was a sword.  Because that is how I am known.
   “Okay, sure.  You’re a sword.  Now will you please be helpful and blast these guys?”
   I can’t.  They are—
   “I don’t want to hear your lame excuses right now!  We’re in trouble.  So be quite and FIRE!”
   A wall of flame burst forth from my hand and swept down the stairs, engulfing the gold robots, obscuring them from view.  When the smoke cleared, though, they were still marching up to us, without a single singe on them. 
   “What just happened?”
   What I was trying to tell you.  Gold is impervious to magic.
   “Well that’s just brilliant.”
    The golden robots were getting closer.  I started backing up.
   “Well,” I said. “Anyone got any bright ideas?”
   “Just this one,” Ben replied.
   He lumbered forward and threw himself down the stairs.  He rolled down, smashing into the robots like a bowling ball, knocking them every which way.
   “Strike!” I yelled.
   Then he reached the bottom of the stairs and his momentum failed.  He got up and started swinging his paws every which way, but the robots seemed endless.  They simply engulfed him, then carried on their march back up the stairs.
   “Benjamin!”
   There was no answer.  Nothing but the sound of marching.
   “Coom on, laddie,” Wilfred said in my ear. “We ‘ave tae go.  Ben’s geven us our chance.”
   A tear leaked out of my ear as I turned away.
   “This isn’t over!” I yelled over my shoulder.
   I ran down the hallway, the kids and Dan followed right behind me.  I picked a random door, opened it, and went in.  Dan was the last one in, and he shut the door behind him with a bang.  Only then did I take a good look around, and realize that this might not have been the best door.
   We were in the middle of a huge, far as the eye could see, desert.

Life, Death, Cake

   So.  Life.
   Man, do I really have to talk about that?  It just seems so…serious.  And boring.  And serious.  And not fun.  And serious.  And really boring.  Do you get what I’m trying to say here?  Come on.  What is life?  That stage of living after the glorious days of carefree childhood, that’s what.  You “grow up”, get a life (aka, job/career/thingthatbringsinthechaching), get married, have kids, watch as those kids repeat all the stupid mistakes you made at their age, grow old, and die.  If you’re one of those people who aren’t for the marriage bit, here’s what your life is.  Same “grow up” phase, then you substitute everything else for partying till you pass out, and still end with dying, except in your case it’s by drunk driver (aka, yourself).
   Bam!  Life in a nutshell.  And you are totally free to disagree with me.  I do it all the time.  I probably wouldn’t be alive right now, writing this post, if I agreed with myself.  Because if that was the case, any time a stupid idea occurred to me, I would put it into action post haste.  Which is why disagreeing with myself is the healthiest thing I can do.  I suggest you make a habit out of it too.  If you want to live long enough to go through that whole life cycle thing.  Of course, if you don’t want that, then by all means, have your dissent free mind.  Your gravestone will read “His decisions were unanimous to his dying breath”.  I’ll bring some flowers for decoration.  And cake.  Black icing, of course.
   Because, for those of you who did not know, cake has restorative powers.  Oh no, nothing strong enough to raise the dead.  But it does wonders for the mourners.  Kind of perks them up and shows them that, even on the darkest day, there is a ray of sunshine.  It’s just a matter of finding it.  Or, if you have a flashlight, you could just turn that on.  It would probably be easier.  You also might want to consider an umbrella.  Those are always handy.  Good for scaring superstitious people too.
   My, isn’t this a strange post?  Life, death, and the mocking thereof.  Next thing you know, I’ll be harping on political issues.  Ha!  That’ll be the day.  Politics.  A very wise old man once had something to say about politics.  Bah!  And Humbug!  Yes, he did say that about Christmas too, but remember, he was a very old man (and wise).  I’m sure that at some point in his long and miserly life he said that about politics.  In fact, he probably said it about pretty much everything. 
   But hey, the Christmas season is fast approaching.  I’m sure I’ll have plenty to say on it as it comes steadily nearer, and quite likely some stuff after it’s gone.  Just remember, tis the season to be jolly, yo ho ho and a bottle o’ rum, and all that.
   Good golly, am I still here?  I thought I would be gone by now.  I must have disagreed with myself somewhere along the way and blown a hole in the space-time continuum.  I have no idea how that relates, but somehow it always does.  That darn continuum.  Why couldn’t it make itself out of some unbreakable material?  Then we wouldn’t have these constant problems with destructive fools, and mad men in boxes, always breaking through. 
   And then the world would be that much more boring.  So, basically, forget I ever wrote that last paragraph and go on with your lives as if nothing ever happened.  Good day.

Silence, Picnics, Irrelevant

   Note from Owen Tucker:   Whoa!  Okay.  Getting a bit violent there, eh?  I guess I should put up a disclaimer.  Ehem.
   IF YOU ARE FAINT OF HEART, TAKE CAUTION IN READING THESE HIGHLY VIOLENT AND BLOODY STORIES.
   There.  That oughta do it.  On with the violently bloody (not to mention deadly suspenseful) story telling!  Oh boy!

   Very well.  You’ve forced my hand.  I’ll tell you everything.
   There followed several minutes of silence.
   “Well?” I asked, finally.
   Oh.  You mean you want me to tell you now?
   I rolled my eyes. “Duh.”
   All right then.  The League was taking me to become the One Ring.
   Stop lying, Dave.  I’m the One Ring.  Didn’t you hear how Dan took me from that slimy Gollum creature?
   Go die in a hole, Poncho.
   No can do.  I’m having far too much fun foiling you.
   I glared at Dave, then Poncho. “Did you guys not hear what I said earlier?”
   About icy?
   “No.”
   About imbeciles?
   “No!”
   About the life expectancies of vampires?
   “NO!  Wait…what?”
   Nothing.
   “Okay, that’s it!  Dave, do that cool shutting move on Poncho.”
   It’s my pleasure.
   Himph.  Harumph?  MPH!
   I looked over at Dan. “You’re not just going to let him do that, are you?”
   Dan looked indignant. “Of course not!  There shall be just retribution!  Er, what would you suggest, good sir?”
   I shrugged. “Oh, I dunno.  Maybe have Poncho do the same thing to Dave?”
   Dan’s face brightened like a light bulb. “Brilliant idea!”
   Hold on a second.
   Dan flourished his ring hand. “Poncho, arrows away!”
   Hmph.  Uhp ef merf.
   Hehrumph!
   I smiled. “There we go.  That’s much better, don’t you guys think?”
   If they had eyes, I’m sure they both would have been shooting daggers at me. 
   “So,” I turned to survey everyone. “We’ve got a league of ninja fellows after us.  What do you guys want to do?”
   “Picnic!” Fredrick and Elizabeth yelled.
   “We’re being hunted by elite killing dudes, if the rings are to be believed, and you guys want to chill out and have a picnic?”
   They nodded, huge grins on their faces.
   I looked at Ben and, hopefully, Wilfred. “What do you guys think?”
   Ben licked his paw. “A picnic does sound marvelous.”
   “Ah cauld go fa sem victuals mahself.  Ah’m famished.”
   Last, but not least, I turned to Dan. “And you, sir?  How does a picnic sound to you?”
   “Most scrumptious indeed,” he replied.
   I shrugged. “Well then, I guess we’re going on a picnic.”
   The kids cheered and everyone followed me as I went to the staircase that led up to where I had found Dave.  I stepped inside, wished for a picnic basket that was bigger on the inside and full of good picnicking junk, and stepped back out with said basket in hand.
   “All right,” I said. “Where do y’all wanna go for this picnic?”
   Before anyone could answer, there was a loud bang as the front door was thrown open and the sound of marching feet filled the air.  I gave the basket to Dan and went to the top of the winding staircase that led to the first floor.
   “Go away!” I yelled down it. “We’re going on a picnic and you are not invited!”
   A really mechanical sounding voice replied. “Picnic….irrelevant.  Surrender the ring, or die.”
   “Surrender my foot!”
   “Foot…irrelevant.  Commence obliteration.”

   To be continued…