The End of the World (And Other Irrelevant Topics)

  Did you know the world is gonna end in 2012?  Seriously!  Hollywood made a movie all about it, a big ol’ motion picture, so it must be true.  Also, if you put some unrelated dates together, like 9/11 and the day they killed Osama Bin Laden, they amount to 12/21/12 (or something like that).  That’s gotta mean something, right?  It can’t just be coincidence.  That would just be weird.  These wacko additions that who knows who figures out have got to mean something.  When you put them all together.  Also, the Mayans said so!  At least…I’m pretty sure it was the Mayans.  Kinda weird how they just decided to stop the calendar right there on that date, huh?  Don’t the Mayans know that the year ends on 12/31/12?  They should’ve just finished the year and made it all nice and even. 
   However, I’m cool with it ending on 12/21/12, because the Dark Knight Rises comes out before then!  Wahoo!  That movie is gonna be awesome.  And I’m pretty sure the first part of the Hobbit comes out before then.  I’m looking forward to that one too.  So long as all the good movies come out before then, I’m good with it.  Wait!  No!  Monsters Inc. 2 comes out in 2013! Ah!  I so wanna see that.  I loved the first one.  Kitty!  Okay, never mind.  The world cannot end on 12/21/12.  Sorry Mayans, but that just ain’t happening.  I must have Monsters Inc. 2. 
   Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to business.  Who got the memo that will tell me what exactly that business is?  No one?  Oh snap…  I guess I’ll wing it then.  Flap…flap…flap…
Forget winging it, I’m doing this the old school way.  In case you didn’t know, the old school way involves thinking of something to say, and then saying it.  Which is what I’m doing now.  Ain’t it wicked awesome?  Just like Ritz crackers!  Take a moment to think about it.  If Ritz crackers had not been invented, the world today would be a much sadder place.  Cheese and ham would have never gained the good and faithful friend that Ritz has become to them.  And so many other things would be worse off without Ritz crackers.  It makes me sad just thinking about it…
   So I’ll change the subject. 
   Christmas!  There’s a happy subject.  It’s all about good stuff and eggnog too.  I do like a good cup of eggnog.  If you don’t like eggnog…you should drink some anyway.  Oh hey!  Christmas is only six days away!  Who woulda thunk it?  And I still have presents to buy.  Oh snap…
   Okay, so, no more talk about Christmas.  Stress makes me sad also.  Stressing out over presents equals not good.  Y’hear that?  Do not stress out over presents.  You will damage some part of your being if you do.  Most probably a mental part, in case you were wondering.  It is possible that it won’t be a mental part though, which would be good.  But seeing as if it causes you physical damage it’ll probably be very bad, maybe mental damage is preferable.  However I really like my mind, so personally I would take the physical damage over the mental.  I don’t know about you guys.  Just don’t stress out.  That’s the answer.  Stress is bad.  It’s that simple.  No stress, happiness.  Lotsa stress, extreme sadness.  Cheeseburger…JOY TO THE WORLD!
   If I may divert your attention from that cheeseburger (I know, it’s tough) I would like to tell you about…something.  Now don’t start saying I took you away from the cheeseburger for no good reason.  I had a very good reason for taking you away.  I did.  I had one.  Honest to goodness.  It was around here somewhere.  There’s just one problem…the dog ate it!  She did!  I’m telling you!  I had a very good, logical, and incredibly interesting reason to take you away from that cheeseburger and the dog ate it.  Not the cheeseburger.  I would not still be here typing calming if she had done that.  No, she ate the reason I took you away from the cheeseburger.  Don’t ask me how, she’s just cool that way.
   Oh wait…I found it! 
   The reason I took you away from the cheeseburger is because…uh…I ate it…