Transportation

   I like trains. 
Well, okay, so I don’t really.  But there’s this hilarious youtube video (the link to which I can provide in the comments if anyone is interested) and that’s it’s all about.  I laughed.  Hard.  And now I like trains.  Besides, I’ve heard trains are the most romantic way to travel.  At least, I’m pretty sure it was trains.  Planes are fastest, cars are most dangerous, so trains must be most romantic.  It’s simply logical.  I am part Vulcan if anyone didn’t know.  I think I’m distantly related to Spock on my mother’s brother’s side, twice removed.
But this isn’t about Star Trek, it’s about transportation.  I want to fly in a plane, preferable on the way up to skydive, or go for a ride on one of those cruise ship dealybobbers.  They probably don’t allow this, but it would be wicked awesome to take a dive off the bow* of one of those things.  While it was standing still, of course.  Jumping off the bow while it was still moving would just be stupid.  Unless you had terrorists or something chasing after you.  However, in that case, I would advise jumping off the side instead of the bow.  Safer that way.
   Speaking of safety, cars are dangerous!  Or, rather, all the wacko drivers out there are dangerous!  Yes, I’ll admit it, my greatest fear is driving.  Don’t you realize how crazy dangerous it is?  At any moment a drunk driver might come out of nowhere and slam right into you.  These days it doesn’t even have to be drunk driving.  Texting is as likely a cause.  It’d be all like “lol, c u ltr” BAM!  Out of all the church billboards I’ve seen, my favorite, by far, is, “Honk if you love Jesus.  Text while driving if you want to meet Him”.  And there you have it, folks, in a nutshell.  Texting and driving is a killer combination.  They should ban cell phones from cars entirely.  Of course, that probably wouldn’t make much difference.
   Okay, now that my rant against cell phones is done (and I hope nobody hates me for it.  If you do, let me say that I’m sure you are the sole exception of people who can’t text and drive) let us move on to airplanes.  You know, the things with wings and tails and stuff trying to impersonate birds.  Except they’re metal.   And they use jet engines.  So when you really think about it, not like birds at all.  And when you think about it even more, you begin to wonder how the heck they get off the ground in the first place.  I mean, these things are bazillions of tons, and yet they just float off the runways and up into the air.  Inconceivable!  However, despite defying the laws of gravity, they are quite safe if there are no malfunctions and if lightning doesn’t strike them or something like that.  At least up there the chance of crashing into another plane is practically nil.  And you can feel safe in the knowledge that the pilots aren’t texting while they’re driving.  At least…I hope not…
   So now that I’ve covered, to an extent, trains, boats, automobiles, and planes, there’s just one more.  Horses!  The oldest method of transportation known to man.  Besides walking that is.  But why walk when you can ride a horse?  Ride like the wind, Bullseye!  And, in a way, cars will never be able to compete with horses.  Sure, they’re faster, more efficient, all that junk, but they have no personalities.  Your car is just a hunk of metal.  Your horse is your friend, or can be if you let it.  A car can never be that.  Until they fit all the cars out with Siri personalities that is.  But even then, it won’t be the same as an intelligent horse.  And this is coming from a person who has only been on a horse two or three times in his life.
   Now the only thing left for man in earthbound transportation is good, old fashioned transporters to completely obliterate the whole inconvenience of travel altogether.  That, and hovercraft.

   *Front end of the ship for any non-nautical** personages.
   **Sea stuff for any non-vocabularized*** personages.
   ***Big words