Animals

   Yay!  Celebration!  Party!  Cheeseburgers for everyone!  Did you see?  Did you see the title?  I have a topic!  Right there, right off the bat.  You come in here, see that title, and bam!  You know what it’s all about.  How cool is that?  And just look at that title.  Animals.  Do you see how much thought I put into that?  It took me forever to think of it.  I had to find the perfect topic title that was very narrow and focused so that you would know exactly what I’m talking about.  I think I did a pretty good job with, if I do say so myself.  I mean, how much more focused can you get? 
   So I am going to be talking about animals.  All the way.  Animals animals animals.  Like your cute little doggy, or kitty, or bunny, or guinea piggy, or birdie, or fishy, or, if you’re really strange, your polly-woggy.  Anyway, I have a doggy, and I love her to death.  She’s so fugly!  Just so you know, that is a term of great endearment in my family.  Contrary to what some people might say.  I’m not gonna mention any names.  You know who you are (I hope).  My dog is fugly, and she’s proud of it.  As am I.  Oh, I also have a kitty, but he’s an evil little bugger who kills birdies.  Nasty blighter he is.  Love him to death.
   But household animals are so boring, aren’t they?  Let’s get to the interesting ones, like saber tooth tigers!  Diego is one awesome saber tooth tiger.  He’s got those saber teeths and all.  They’re all teethy and sabery.  Sharp and pointy too, no doubt. 
   Speaking of tigers, who doesn’t love Tigger?  He’s such a loveable bouncing bugger.  Boingy boingy boingy!  Who can watch him bounce around and not want to go get one of those bouncy balls with the handle and join him?  Not me.  And I hope not you either.  Not bouncing takes all the fun out of life.  Like, I went to this dance thingy a few nights ago and I did the first dance with my sister.  Now if we had been able to skip merrily along to see the Wizard of Oz, it would have been awesome.  But no, we had to be all formal and junk and just walk and it was Boring!  With a capital B!  Which is what happens if you don’t Bounce (or skip at the very least).  So Be like Tigger and Bounce!
   Getting Back to the animals, cows are amazing creatures.  You know why?  Because they give us cheeseburgers!  Now how many of you were able to guess that?  If you weren’t, don’t worry.  It doesn’t show anything about your psychological mindset either way.  Well, actually, it might, if you were actually able to guess that…  Anyway!  Another cool thing about cows is their awesome spelling skills.  Chick-Fil-A commercials are some of the best food chain commercials.  Geico, however, has the best commercials overall.  That gecko’s Australian accent is awesome.  And since he’s an animal, he’s also on topic, so I can talk about him all I want, which just adds to his awesomeness. 
   Oooo!  Animal related math question.  If a woodchuck could chuck wood how much wood would a woodchuck chuck?  And if you know the real answer to that, like, if you’ve gotten the answer from a woodchuck, you’re amazing.  Because, and not many people know this, woodchucks are incredibly picky about the people they talk to.  When I tried to talk to some, they had plenty to say, but it sounded mostly like “Get off our lawn!” and “#%!$@&%@”.  And then they chucked wood at me.  It was not a fun experience, although a most memorable one.
   Okay, I’m pretty proud of myself here.  I stuck to my topic throughout this whole thing.  You might say that the thing about bouncing or skipping was off topic, but I would contest that because Tigger bounces, and he’s an animal, so it all ties together.  Just don’t think about it too hard.  That’s my motto.  If it seems confusing, stop thinking so much.  That, and be nice to animals.