Fallish Stuff

     My friends (or enemies), the season that is known as fall is upon us.  Unless of course you’re in a place like, uh, say Texas, where Christmas weather is high seventies.  Which kind of sucks sometimes.  Because right now, even though we’re already in November, the weather here is still bright, sunny, and hot.  In November.  Now that’s just wrong. 
     And you know something else wrong with November that is completely unrelated to the weather?  Turkeys.  Yes, I did just say turkeys.  The fowls we devour on Thanksgiving Day.  Those are indeed the ones I am referring to.  Why are turkeys wrong?  Because they are!  Does everything need a reason to be wrong?  Can’t something just be wrong because it is? Ugh, fine.  You want a reason, I’ll give you a reason.  But it is a terrible, terrible reason that may scar you for the rest of your life.  If you really wish to know it, keep on reading.  If you don’t, skip the next paragraph.
     You wanted to know, so now you’ll know.  This is the reason turkeys are wrong.  The Turkey Holocaust.  Otherwise known as, Thanksgiving.  That’s right.  The time of year when turkeys are rounded up and slaughtered in the millions.  A day celebrated by countless thousands, millions, billions, trillions!  Because it isn’t just this year.  It wasn’t just last year.  It was the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before that, and, I hope you’re beginning to see the pattern, the year before that!  It has been going on for centuries.  And growing for centuries.  The meals becoming ever more extravagant.  And the turkey remains the focal point of it all.  Now, Thanksgiving wouldn’t be right without the turkey.  Well, by all means, keep the turkey.  There is nothing to say you can’t have the turkey.  Just not fried and dead on your platters.  I’m sure your turkey would love to join you for some cranberry sauce on Thanksgiving, and just maybe a bit of that pumpkin pie.
     It’s like Elmo eating Big Bird, just because it’s Thanksgiving.  Think of what kind of message that’s sending your children.  “Hey kids.  When the holiday gets here, remember, it’s national eat your bird friend day.  Have fun.”  Imagine the carnage that would ensue.  Wait.  No.  On second thought, don’t imagine.  It’s better left alone.  The possibilities are too gruesome.  Cats doing it is bad enough, the thought of little children joining in is simply too horrific.  Doesn’t bear thinking about.  Agh!  Stop talking about it, would you!  Now I can get these images out of my head.  Oh man, I’m never getting a good night’s sleep again.
     What I’m trying to say here is that as Thanksgiving approaches, just stop to think for a second.  Think about your life, your family, your friends, everything you have.  All that is good and wonderful about life.  Then ask yourself this question.  With all those wonderful things you have, do you really need to ruin that image of love and prosperity by bloodily murdering a turkey for your dinner?