So. We meet again.
Activate tree powers!
(For those not in the loop, that means I just turned into a tree which somehow saved the universe. How I accomplished this is for me to know and you to not.)
And how the above sentences in any way relate to the rest of this post is for someone to know and me to wonder about. However, I do think that posts should have some relevancy. That there should be a point around which the whole post revolves. Usually something like that helps.
Not today.
Today we have what is best known as irrelevancy (I was going to say nonrelevancy, but it turns out that’s not a word). It’s the thing where I say something like, if the world were to stop turning right now you would probably die, and it makes complete sense. Of course, when you think about that one a bit more, it really does make perfect sense. But if your dog ate your pickle, your cat would die in a terrible car accident. And that would not make very much sense at all. Although it would imply that the world is not quite right, which would be correct in the current circumstantial circumstances. If you were the one that ate that cheeseburger on the 22nd of March 2003. If that wasn’t you, well then I’m sorry to say that you aren’t the lucky bugger who just became a million dollars richer. But if you would like to know the chap’s name, you can ask the nice lady at the condiment bar. She’ll tell you. Or she could just smile and hand you some napkins and ketchup. That’s always possible too. It’s a bit of a gamble though. Because if she doesn’t do either of those things, you’ll probably die. And if you take the ketchup, you’ll definitely die. But if you refuse the napkins, you just might live. So long as the flying spiders don’t get you first. Oh, and the grammar Nazis. Those guys are vicious. Hitler had no idea what he created.
Hey, did you know that gravity is a lie? Yup, it’s true. Gravity is not what keeps us glued to this planet. And I, brilliant as I am, have discovered what the truth is. The fact is that nothing keeps us here. That’s right, nothing at all. There is no force, tangible or otherwise, that is keeping us from floating away. Do you know why? Okay then, I’ll tell you why. It’s because we believe that gravity keeps us here. It is impossible for us to wrap our minds around the possibility that gravity is nonexistent and that we could fly if we would simply acknowledge this fact. After all, what is gravity? Naught but an idea brought about by an apple to some dreamer dreaming a dream under a tree. Having dreamed his dream, the apple dropped upon his head and dispelled that dream, prompting a single word to his mind. Gravity. A word the entire world accepted as truth. A deception that sweep the earth like no other. Never questioned, never doubted.
Until now.
Cue dramatic music! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!
Hhhmmm. Y’know, I kinda think the dramatic music there rather killed the drama. Funny how that works, isn’t it?
Zack, you are a genius!
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