Time for a Test

     Tests.  You gotta love them.  Love to hate them that is.  I mean really, who likes tests?  Let’s face it, tests are hard, unpleasant, and just not nice all around.  And if you’re thinking, “psh, whatever, I’ve got easy tests”, then those ain’t real tests.  The very definition of the word “test” means something difficult.  Something tough, not easy, that pushes you to the limit of your endurance!  And then, when you get there, it kills you!  Deader than a dead doornail made out of dead metal in a dead plant of deadness.  Yes, that is pretty dead. 
     And there are so many freakin’ tests!  School tests, school tests, school tests, oh hey, did I mention the school tests?  They aren’t the only tests, of course, but for the early years of your life, those are the main ones.  Then we’ve got the moral tests, courage tests, physiological tests, attention tests, patience tests, and all sorts of junky tests like that one there. 
     Here is a very difficult moral test for you.  It is about an hour before dinnertime.  Your mother has told you that you are not allowed to eat anything before dinner.  BUT!  You are very hungry.  And you just happened to know that there is one cookie left in the cookie jar.  Just one, no more, no less.  Don’t forget, you are very hungry.  The question is, should you eat the cookie, not eat the cookie, or feed the cookie to starving animal living outside under your shed? 
     This is a very serious dilemma.  If you eat the cookie, you will be full and satisfied till dinnertime.  A most satisfactory result.  If you do not eat the cookie, you will be empty till dinner, not quite satisfactory.  If you give the cookie to the starving animal that is living under your shed, your mother will think that you ate the cookie, never believing your story about the animal under your shed.  A most unsatisfactory result.  Thus, the obvious solution to this test is to eat the cookie! 
     Now, for a test of your courage.  You must be an extremely courageous person if you are to succeed at this test.  You’re at home.  Your mother is driving home.  She turns into the driveway (it’s a very long driveway) and her accelerator sticks.  All the way down.  You have three choices.  You can jump in front of the car in the hopes that your body will provide sufficient cushion to make a difference.  You can throw your little brother, who happens to be standing next to you, in front of the car, in the hopes that his body will provide some cushion at all.  Or, you can do nothing. 
     Of course the first one isn’t desirable, as it would undoubtedly end in your death and really not change anything.  The second seems like a good idea though.  You stay alive, uninjured, and live on with a feeling of having successfully doing everything in your power given the situation.  The third leaves you feeling like a useless failure at life who freezes up at every emergency.  And so we come to the conclusion that the solution is to toss your little brother in front of the car!
     And there you are!  Two fully developed simulations that let you know exactly what to do in scary situations like that.  You’re very welcome.

     Note from the editors:  The author of this post is insane and demon-possessed.  Whether you take his advice or not is up to you.  The consequences of whatever actions you may take, whether or not they are influenced by this post at all, are on your head entirely.