Unicorns

They are not real!  Get over it!  Unicorns are completely mythical creatures.  There is no such thing as a sparkly horse with a horn.  I’m so sorry to burst your bubble, but this is just the way it is.
Oh, and meet Joey.  My unicorn.  Say hi, Joey.
“Hello.”
No, that was hello.  I said say hi. 
“No, I won’t.”
What?  Don’t be rude, Joey.  Say hi.
“I won’t say such a thing.  Why would you want me to?  I’m not high and you know it!”
Joey!  There might be innocent little children reading this blog.  Watch what you say.
“If they’re reading this blog, they won’t be innocent for long.  Besides, there is no such thing as an innocent child these days.”
Of course there are.  I’m sure there are many finely innocent children all around us.  Don’t be such a pessiunicorn. 
“Ha!  That’s the best you could come up with?  Pessiunicorn?”
Well, y’know, it was kinda on the spur of the moment and all.
“Pft, don’t give me that.  You had days to come up with something, and you know it.  And all you can think of is pessiunicorn.  That’s pathetic.”
Oh yeah?  Well I came up with you too!  So I guess that means you’re pathetic.  Ha.
“That’s not nice.  Don’t be mean.”
It’s true.
“I don’t care.  It’s still not nice.  I expected better of you, even if you are a messed up human person.”
What?  So it’s okay for you to insult me but not the other way around?  Can’t take your own medicine?
“No, nothing like that.  But I’m a unicorn.”
Well I’m Batman.
“You are not.”
Prove it.
“You’re scared of bats.”
So is Batman.
“He used to be scared.  Now he’s cool and scares other people with bats.”
Haha!  A unicorn Batman fan.  Now that’s something.
“I never said I was a fan.”
You don’t have to.  It was quite evident in your adoring tone.
“Stop that.  You make the most innocent and awesome things sound bad.”
Too bad for you then, cause you’re stuck with me. 
“Hey, I’m a unicorn.  I don’t have to be stuck with anybody if I don’t want to.”
Oh really?  Last I checked all unicorns do is sparkle and make pretty horse noises.  Nothing special.
“Then I guess you didn’t see the movie where we went around gutting humans with our horns.”
I don’t remember that.  Which one was that?
“I don’t know.  But I’m sure some sick human made one with that and plenty of other stupid stuff.”
Why do you hate humans so much?  Gosh.
“Because you do all sorts of terrible things to us unicorns.”
Like what?
“Like forcing me to submit to being in this blog post!”
Oh that.  Well you called me pathetic, so sucks to be you.
“Huh.  So much for the wonderful power of forgiveness you people are always harping on.”
You never even said sorry!
“Well excuse me if I’m not perfectly schooled in all your pathetic human traditions.”
Wow.  And then you go and do it again.  Y’know, I don’t think I like unicorns very much anymore.
“You created me!  Therefore you just increased your own prejudice through your own prejudice.”
That doesn’t even make sense.  You unicorns are messed up. 
“Agh!  Just stop talking, okay?  Just—stop—talking!”
Fine, if you want it that way…