Balderdash

Now the title says this is balderdash, but let me assure you, there are many very intelligent and amazing things contained within this post!  Coherency is not among those things, however, neither is brilliant writing structure, which is why it is called Balderdash, I suppose.  Well, I believe I shall let you judge it for yourself.
You see, it all started as the day waned, I sat atop a grassy hill in the middle of a beautiful ocean of grass, the great waves rolling across the plain in large wavy motions of waves which one expects of waves when they wave, very naturally of course.   My attention was soon diverted from the waving waves by the startling appearance of an extremely startling sight!  It was so startling that I rolled off the top of the hill and down to the bottom of my startlment.  When I reached the bottom of the hill, the startling thing had disappeared, and I have never found out what it was.  It is a strange mystery which haunts me to this day.  I still have nightmares of that strange startling dealybobber which knocked me off my whoshumacallit down to the thingybobber.  In the mares of night it always pops up and I scream and it screams and I scream and it screams and I pull out my frying pan and kablammy the dream explodes in a flashbang of exploding things!  All sense of proportion is thrown out of whack and it all comes a tumbling down.  Right on top of me.  I screamed and it screamed and I screamed and it screamed and I….well you know the rest.  It was one of those dreams over which you have no control.  One that pulls you where it will and drops you at the slightest sign of discomfort (to it, not you).  And so it happened that I wound up I don’t know where in the unknown vastnesses of my mind.  Now you may not know this, but my mind is a vast void of mindly stuff that is all joggled together to create some semblance of a mind that looks somewhat similar to somebody else’s mind (don’t ask me who) and when you look at it in the right light, you just might come to the conclusion that it belongs to that person.  But let me tell you right now, that there mind belongs to ME and to me only.  If I see anyone trying to steal it, I’ll belt said person over the head with my brain.  That oughta teach ‘em somat.  No one messes with my mind and gets away with it!  But just in case they do, I’d like to say they’re always sure to take a souvenir away with them.  Something akin to a slight disturbance in the brain.  That is to say, they ain’t got much left in the upper room after an encounter like that.  A few fries short of a happy meal.  A sock short of a full load.  Like a cat with a dead mouse tied up in a ball of string filled with catnip.  They all come down to the same thing, there’s something rotten in Denmark!  And I think it’s that suspicious looking egg there.  Ah well, such is the life of one in constant danger of losing one’s mind from ones enemies who seek to take said mind for whatever devious purposes them may have in store.  Or stock, I’m not sure which…well it doesn’t really matter as my mind is securely guarded by my brain.  And I know that my brain is perfectly capable of handling anything my mind can dish out.  To the other guys.  The ones trying to steal my brain.  From my mind.   Oh never mind, I’m sure you get the picture, whatever it may be.  Now, on to more important matters.  Such as an ending for this ramble of rambling.  The prospects look just a tad dismal at the moment…but never you fear!  I will rise above the problems afore the end of—

The End