Concerning Thanksgiving

  Tis the season, right?  Right.  So I am going to address a very important issue with this post.  What I am about to tell you may come as a shock.  Be prepared, for it is shocking.  Which is why it might come as a shock.
  Okay, Thanksgiving, a wonderful day, no doubt.  We get off school, eats lots of good food, and thank the Lord for the blessings he has bestowed upon us.  Sounds way awesome, right?  Wrong.  Well, okay, it sounds good, but it’s not!
  My friends, you have been seriously deceived when it comes to Thanksgiving.  Probably with Christmas too, but that’s a story for another time. 
  Have you ever thought of the turkey?  Hm?  Each year thousands of turkeys are slaughtered to be feasted upon on Thanksgiving Day.  Now I’m not reprimanding you for eating a turkey.  Turkeys are tasty.  I’m asking you to look deeper.  Why the turkey?  What significance does the turkey have?  I have thought long and hard on those questions, and I have come to the conclusion that, it’s not the turkeys’ fault.  Someone has been setting the poor blighters up year after year until it now has become such a tradition that nobody questions it anymore.  Everyone just thinks, “Thanksgiving?  Ooo dog!  Can’t wait for my turkey!”  And so the turkeys have been slaughtered.  Every year.  One day.  Thousands of turkeys.  Doesn’t that seem just a little suspicious?  No, actually, it seems extremely suspicious.  It forces you to ask the question, what did the turkeys do to earn them this fate?
  This is also a question I have considered long and hard.  And I believe I have hit upon the answer.  The simple fact is, the turkeys didn’t do nuthin to deserve this fate (and yes I realize that was a double negative!)!  They have been framed!  Someone has created this tradition to dispose of the poor turkeys!  But who would do such a dastardly deed?  There is only one possible answer.  As much as it saddens me to say it, I’m afraid that the guinea pigs have committed this incredibly act of criminality. 
  You see, when the tradition of Thanksgiving began, guinea pigs were a prime delicacy.  So, to keep themselves from being chosen as the main course of everyone’s Thanksgiving dinner, they integrated the turkeys as the traditional meal.  I suppose you could say they were acting on self preservation, but it was still a low blow.  Who would have thought that those cute little piggies could concoct such a plot?  It’s almost beyond reason.  Yet, I’m afraid it’s true.  They plotted and planned and did devious deeds until the only thing people could think about when Thanksgiving rolled around was their turkey dinner.  And the turkeys had no idea.  When they were struck by this calamity, it probably knocked them down and out, turning them into tame fowls, just sitting around, waiting to be eaten, leaving the guinea pigs to get off scot free. 
  I almost wish a turkey would see this post and arouse his brethren to take their revenge!  But I can’t wish that, because, while guinea pigs may be evil little blighters, they’re so darn cute!  I can wish, though, that no guinea pig will see this.  If one does—I may never see the light of day again.  That would be a tragedy.  I like daylight…
  There, now you know.  I hope it didn't come as to great of a shock.  Just remember this as you're eating your turkey dinner, and be thankful.  The guinea pigs were no doubt capable of much worse...