Rocks...and Grass and Wind and Flowers

   Nnnnoooo!  Not again!  How can this be?  How can it have happened again?  No topic?  No topic!?  It’s not possible.  This can’t be happening.  There must be some mistake.  And every other lie they tell themselves in the movies when the “impossible” is happening. 
   Quick!  Someone get me a cheeseburger!  I need inspirational inspiration, and I need it now.  Any other type of inspiration will not do.  This is an emergency.  If you could get bacon on that cheeseburger, that would be awesome.  It would probably jack that inspirational inspiration up to inspiring inspirational inspiration. Say that five times fast.  A side of fries and some root beer would probably shoot the inspirations through the roof.  But by now, I’m guessing the word inspiration is sounding stupid.  Why does everything sound stupid if you say it too much?  Stupid would no doubt sound stupid if you said stupid to much too.  So don’t say stupid too much.  It’ll be better for everyone. 
   Now that we’ve established something at least, let us move on.  Apparently, I shall not be getting that cheeseburger, so I am sorry to say that you may not be getting very inspired words today.  I do have one thing to say though.  Just one thing.  Listen close. 
   I went in a cornfield today!  I went in a cornfield!  I went in a cornfield today and met Akbar!
   Jeffery Dallas is hilarious!  Go watch some of his videos.  Like, right now. 
   Well?  Did you laugh?  If you did, awesome.  High five!  If you didn’t, if the videos failed to even promote a smile, I’m sorry.  I really am.  You’re sick, I know.  I can recommend a really good doctor, and I hope you get better soon. 
   Hang on tight, I’m making a sharp change in subject now.
   Did you know that rocks can talk?  They can!  I’m serious!  I look at rocks, and they speak to me.  They tell me things.  In rock language.  It’s kind of like, “thunk, chunk, clunk”.  It is very complicated and hard to understand.  Not many people can do it.  Being one of the chosen few, it is my duty to enlighten you about stuff.  Concerning rocks.  First of all, rocks are hard.  If someone hits you with a rock, it will hurt.  Just so you know.  So you might want to avoid that.  Second, rocks can’t really talk.  Strange, delusional people simply make up fantasies in which rocks talk for odd reasons.  Don’t ask me why these people do such things, they just do.  It must be some kind of coping mechanism or something.  Hopefully all people afflicted with such will be healed.
   But now grass, grass is a whole other story.  Grass simply doesn’t stop talking.  Not the short grass.  All the short grass can say is “don’t eat me!” and “don’t squish me!”.  It’s the tall, wispy grass that talks up a storm.  It’s kind of coexistence between the tall grass and the wind though.  The wind whispers through the grass, and the grass rustles back.  Who knows what they’re really saying?  Whatever it is, the wind is definitely in league with the grass.  A possibly dangerous partnership.  And what do you think will happen if they team up with the flowers?  Hhhmmm?  We humans just love sniffing those flowers.  What if the grass and the wind got the flowers to give off toxic fumes?  They’d kill off half the world’s population at least before we caught on to them.  Even then, what would we be able to do?  Kill all the flowers and grass?  That’s a big task, and the world would be a less happy place without them.  And even if they all got killed dead, there would still be the wind.  Not really any way to stop that.  Except to keep your windows and door shut.  That might stop it.
However, I think the best plan is to not make the grass, wind, and flowers mad.  So be nice to them, or they might kill you.
   No.  I am not paranoid.
   No.  I do not have bad childhood memories of grass, wind, and flowers.
   No.  I am not a strange, delusional person.  I’m talking about grass, wind, and flowers here, not rocks.  Big difference.