You don’t have any friends. Nobody likes you.
…Dobby! Dobby likes us!
Those, my friends, are some of the funniest lines from an extremely funny award presentation for Gollum, from Lord of the Rings.
If you haven’t already, watch it now. “Gollum gets an award” or
something like that will no doubt bring it up on Youtube. But read the
rest of this post first, otherwise you’ll be laughing so hard you won’t
be able to.
Speaking of Lord of the Rings, that’s one
epic trilogy, ain’t it? Full of epic dudes doing epic things with epic
stuff. Can’t get much epicer than that. And it teaches great lessons.
Such as “One does not simply walk into Wal-mart. A great evil resides
there” and “One does not simply stop procrastinating”. Boromir was such
a wise guy…before he gave way to temptation and died. Ah well, he had a
bunch of epic lines and died an epic death. What more can a dude like
that ask for? An epic afterlife? If it had been Star Wars, he probably would have gotten that too. But it wasn’t. So he didn’t. Poor sap.
But enough of that. Lord of the Rings is
old news now. Now we got some serious hobbit business going on. Not
to mention dark knights that are rising. And avengers that are
assembling. And, uh, that’s all I can think of. But those are all
gonna be pretty serious business. With some serious smashing, and not
just by the Hulk. It’s gonna be all like…serious…y’know…
However that there is a topic that hath runneth dry. For me anyhows.
Therefore we must move on. To new places where new things runneth over
in multitudes. Yes, runneth is a new word too. Sounds catchy though,
don’t it? When you wanna speak all ancient like with the “thee”s and
“thou”s and all that good junk. So I think I shall consider it
officially invented, because I do like a good jaunt in the stone ages
every once in a while. Where technology fails to runneth over. Tis a
sad state. Poor wretches. Luckily for them, they enlightened
themselves and are now doing quite nicely, if I do say so myself.
This talk of old talk makes me think of accents. Which makes me think
of British people. Which reminds me that I want to go to England. I
wanna go meet British people with genuine British accents and eat fish
‘n chips and talk about tea time! Well, probably not that last bit.
Can’t imagine that’d be very entertaining… But the rest of it would
be. I’d have to go see the palace dealybobber and the bloody tower
place…or whatever it’s called… Hm. Maybe I should do a little research
before heading to England. Wouldn’t want to arrive there and not have a
bloomin’ idea what I was doing. Ooo! I know what I’d do. I’d go
visit 221B Baker Street and have a powwow with Sherlock Holmes. He’d no
doubt be able to clear up that little mystery of the disappearing
cheeseburger. And mayhaps I’d have the good luck to run into some
strange dude with a blue box. Although, from what I’ve heard, he’s been
in America a lot these days…
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