World Domination

     I’m gonna take over the world!  And there ain’t nothing anyone can do about it.  Yes, I do realize that was a double negative, but for me, a double negative still equals a negative because it’s just so awesome. 
Anyway, if you try to stop me and I’ll…I’ll…I’ll do something!  I will!  Don’t try me.  Because I, and this is my ace up my sleeve, I am in league with the wind.  Aha!  Weren’t expecting that, were you?  Now you know that there is absolutely nothing you can do to keep me from conquering the world.  For with the wind comes the allegiance of the grass, trees, Bigfoot, aliens, and all sorts of good stuff like that.  Not to mention dirt.  Oh man, you’d better be fearing that dirt.  Oh wait…we established that dirt was harmless, didn’t we?  Shoot…
    Forget dirt then.  Forget everything.  I don’t need it when I have, drum roll please…Fluffy, the Destroyer of Worlds!

     That’s right.  Just look into his eyes.  Do you see any sympathy there?  I don’t think so. He’d blow this beautiful green earth to pieces without a second thought.  It is only my guiding hand on his rather wild mind that keeps you safe.  If I took that hand away, he’d go berserk and everything would be pulverized. 
But don’t worry.  I kind of like it here.  So if you meet my demands, we can all live happily together.
     First off!  You must release all my friends that you’ve thrown in prison.  You cannot silence us.  Our voices will be heard!  Hang on a second…forget that.  I always work alone.  Don’t know what I was thinking.
Second off (or first again, since the other first didn’t really count)!  You must deliver all the treasury funds of the world into my hands.  That’s right.  The solution to all those government problems.  If they can go into debt with zero money, well then the people they’re “paying” are really stupid.  Either that, or they’re scheming and taking the “money”, which they know doesn’t really exist, just so that the governments will be in debt to them, and then they can take over the world.  Well I hate to break it to you, guys, but you’re too late!  I got here first!
     Third off (or second again, since, well, you get the idea)!  All nuclear weapons will be destroyed in the most environment friendly way.  Because, I mean, if this world’s gonna get destroyed, I want it to be clear.  None of this nuclear waste junk.  Fluffy can make a nice, sparkling clean wipe.  So much better than nukes. 
Fourth off (or, you know the drill)!  Aliens will be declared to be at the top of the public enemies list, with Bigfoot running a close second.  If any are spotted, they are to be tickled to death.  If anyone is found to be harboring aliens, and/or Bigfoot, they will be sent to the glacier of perpetual tickling and they will not be happy.  Or, rather, they will be so happy, they’ll be sad. 
     Fifth off and lastly!  You will read every new post that comes out on this blog (Mondays and Thursdays) so that you can see and acquiesce to any new demands I might make.  Like if I want a cheeseburger or something.  I don’t want to have to blow up whole cities to get your attention.  Just reading this blog is a lot easier, don’t you think?