Dogs and Cats

   Hey hey hey! Hi!  It’s me!  Owen Tucker! And guess what?!  I’M BACK!  Bet you couldn’t have guessed that!  It’s like, inconceivable.  Anybody want a peanut?  Oh look, a donut.  Haha! That rhymed!  You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told that was completely accidental, but that’s okay,cause I believe myself.  Therefore, I do not need your belief.  So there.  Goodbye.
   Why yes, I am hyper. What an astute observation.  But no, it does not have anything to do with those five Redbulls I consumed earlier.  But whatever!  This is a journal, not a flippin’ story.  So on with the journaling!
   5/30/12:  On this date (that being the 5th of May in the year 2012) I discovered something pretty dawgone amazing. 
   Remember that rock I found in my first entry?  Well guess what!?  Since this would never work if I waited for you to guess, I’m just gonna tell you. That rock, the one I just picked up off the ground, let’s me hear what animals say!  And I’m not talking about the normal “squeak squeak squeakers”. I’m talking real words here.  So that squirrel in the first entry really was talking to me.  Isn’t that like wicked awesome?
   Well, after I figured this out, I had a pretty interesting conversation with my bulldog, Jack. It when like this.
   First I said, “Hey, Jack.  What’s up?”
   He cocked his head and looked at me. “Food?”
   “No.  No food.”
   He dropped his head, then looked up a second later.“Ball?”
   “Nope.  No ball.”
   Again he dropped his head only to pick it back up.  This time he added a little panting.
   “Pettings?”
   I couldn’t resist a chuckle. “No way.  You’re an ugly bugger.”
   He grinned as dogs will. “Pettings, yes?”
   Then he came over and started nudging my hand with his snout.
   I pushed him away. “I said no way.  You’re slobbery, got nasty breath, and an assortment of other problems, so get lost.”
   He just blinked and kept panting in my face.
   “Ugh.”  I rolled my eyes and started to pet him.
   He closed his eyes and leaned into it.  After a few minutes I got bored so I slapped him on the back.
   “All right. Enough pettings.  Get lost.”
   He looked at me. I pointed away.  He sighed.
   “Must find other human,” he said as he turned and walked away.
   After he was gone I decided to experiment more with my newfound rock skills, so I went and got my cat.
   “Hey cat,” I said.
   He just stared at me and didn’t say anything.
   “I said,” I tried again. “Hey cat.”
   He continued staring.
   “Wow, cats really are dumber than dogs.  Now it’s a scientifically proven fact.”
   At that, he spoke up.
   “Meow.”
   I looked at him, then down at the rock in my hand.  “This thing must not be working.  Say again?”
   He said again. “Meow.”
   I glared at the rock, and then at him.  “Either this thing somehow broke in the five seconds between the time I was talking to Jack and now, or I really was right about cats being dumber than dogs.”
   He returned my glare, hissed, then ran off.  I watched him leave, rather disappointed.  Then I shrugged.  Never did like cats anyway.

   To be continued…possibly…