The Title of Our Story Is

     Oh.  Snap.
     Those two words should be the definition of what you are feeling at this moment.  Or will be after you read a few more sentences.  The reason being, I have no topic.  Not even a hint of a tropical topicality.  So now the appropriate response is “Oh snap he ain’t got no topic!  Run for the hills!”  If you did not experience this feeling, that’s good.  Continue reading.  Enjoy my spurt of extra random balderdash.
     First, let us discuss toothpicks.  Such handy items, wouldn’t you say?  One of the most annoying things is having that little piece of meat or whatever stuck in your teeth, and no matter how much you wiggle at it with your tongue you just can’t get rid of it.  Dun da da dun!  Captain Toothpick sweeps in and saves the day!  With just one little pick, pitook, he eradicates all annoyance!  Oh thank you, Captain Toothpick, thank you!  You saved my life.  I was so annoyed with that little piece of meat, I just couldn’t get rid of it. My stress levels were spiking and my heart was about to give out.  Then you swooped in and saved me with a simple pitook!  Thank you!
     See?  Look at that.  Toothpicks are lifesavers (no, not the little round candies).  So always keep a few around in case you are ever in dire need.  You never know when those annoying things are gonna strike.  Be prepared!  That little life lesson is one to be learned.  If you’re having trouble with it, go watch Hoodwinked.  After that, you’ll never be able to forget it.  And if you don’t watch it, I’ll send my killer rabbits and rabid wolves after you.  Get watching.
     Or wait until this post is over, then go watch.  No killer or rabid things will come thirsting for your blood if you do so. 
     To continue, please direct your attention to the screen.  Peer very closely at these words as they appear in the order of the sentences.  See anything odd?  Any cool alignments or patterns, hhhmmm?  Of course not!  Those pictures you see on facebook and what not with those cool patterns and junk do not come about by accident.  They are carefully planned and deviously planted with captions like “Whoa!  Look at that!  Do you see it?” are all planned to make you think that the cool thing in the picture is accidental.  Don’t fall for it!  All those frauds are photo shopped, at best!  I’ve seen a great many of photo shopped pics in my time, and I can tell by some of the pixels. 
     Speaking of pixels (or not) what genius created the cheeseburger?  I mean, it’s the greatest food creation, no, the greatest creation of all time.  Can you imagine the world without cheeseburgers?  No!  It’s unthinkable!  Where would people find joy and happiness if it were not for their cheeseburgers?  I mean…it’s just…life isn’t complete without them!  Give a man a cheeseburger and his world get brighter.  Give anyone a cheeseburger and the world becomes a brighter place.  They just have this glow about them that’s sort of—celestial.

     “All right!  That’s it!  Break it up!”
     Wait.  Whoa.  What’s going on here? 
     “You sir, are being charged with excessive use of randomness and are hereby under arrest.”
     What!?  But I—!
     “You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say can and most definitely will be used against you.”
     This isn’t right!  It’s unconstitutional!
     “You have the right to an attorney…I think.”
     I’ll sue!
     “Take him downtown, boys.”
     Oh snap.