Silence, Picnics, Irrelevant

   Note from Owen Tucker:   Whoa!  Okay.  Getting a bit violent there, eh?  I guess I should put up a disclaimer.  Ehem.
   IF YOU ARE FAINT OF HEART, TAKE CAUTION IN READING THESE HIGHLY VIOLENT AND BLOODY STORIES.
   There.  That oughta do it.  On with the violently bloody (not to mention deadly suspenseful) story telling!  Oh boy!

   Very well.  You’ve forced my hand.  I’ll tell you everything.
   There followed several minutes of silence.
   “Well?” I asked, finally.
   Oh.  You mean you want me to tell you now?
   I rolled my eyes. “Duh.”
   All right then.  The League was taking me to become the One Ring.
   Stop lying, Dave.  I’m the One Ring.  Didn’t you hear how Dan took me from that slimy Gollum creature?
   Go die in a hole, Poncho.
   No can do.  I’m having far too much fun foiling you.
   I glared at Dave, then Poncho. “Did you guys not hear what I said earlier?”
   About icy?
   “No.”
   About imbeciles?
   “No!”
   About the life expectancies of vampires?
   “NO!  Wait…what?”
   Nothing.
   “Okay, that’s it!  Dave, do that cool shutting move on Poncho.”
   It’s my pleasure.
   Himph.  Harumph?  MPH!
   I looked over at Dan. “You’re not just going to let him do that, are you?”
   Dan looked indignant. “Of course not!  There shall be just retribution!  Er, what would you suggest, good sir?”
   I shrugged. “Oh, I dunno.  Maybe have Poncho do the same thing to Dave?”
   Dan’s face brightened like a light bulb. “Brilliant idea!”
   Hold on a second.
   Dan flourished his ring hand. “Poncho, arrows away!”
   Hmph.  Uhp ef merf.
   Hehrumph!
   I smiled. “There we go.  That’s much better, don’t you guys think?”
   If they had eyes, I’m sure they both would have been shooting daggers at me. 
   “So,” I turned to survey everyone. “We’ve got a league of ninja fellows after us.  What do you guys want to do?”
   “Picnic!” Fredrick and Elizabeth yelled.
   “We’re being hunted by elite killing dudes, if the rings are to be believed, and you guys want to chill out and have a picnic?”
   They nodded, huge grins on their faces.
   I looked at Ben and, hopefully, Wilfred. “What do you guys think?”
   Ben licked his paw. “A picnic does sound marvelous.”
   “Ah cauld go fa sem victuals mahself.  Ah’m famished.”
   Last, but not least, I turned to Dan. “And you, sir?  How does a picnic sound to you?”
   “Most scrumptious indeed,” he replied.
   I shrugged. “Well then, I guess we’re going on a picnic.”
   The kids cheered and everyone followed me as I went to the staircase that led up to where I had found Dave.  I stepped inside, wished for a picnic basket that was bigger on the inside and full of good picnicking junk, and stepped back out with said basket in hand.
   “All right,” I said. “Where do y’all wanna go for this picnic?”
   Before anyone could answer, there was a loud bang as the front door was thrown open and the sound of marching feet filled the air.  I gave the basket to Dan and went to the top of the winding staircase that led to the first floor.
   “Go away!” I yelled down it. “We’re going on a picnic and you are not invited!”
   A really mechanical sounding voice replied. “Picnic….irrelevant.  Surrender the ring, or die.”
   “Surrender my foot!”
   “Foot…irrelevant.  Commence obliteration.”

   To be continued…