Confliction

           Note from Owen Tucker:  Okay, still applies.  If you don’t know what’s going on, check back.  Or you could just skip this one entirely.  I mean, uh, this doesn’t really contain any, er, pertinent information that is just absolutely vital for you to know.  You could easily skip it and still be in the loop without loss of any events that have any real bearing on the story.  It’s just, y’know, well—aw forget it.  Just keep reading and get it over with.

“Ya blitherin’ idiot!”

I jumped at the sound of Wilfred’s voice. “Whoa!  Dude, don’t scare me like that.”

“Ah’ll scar ya eny way Ah like, ya stoopid oaf.”

Luckily for me the kids were still knocked out, or I would’ve looked a tad crazy.

“Hey!” I said. “Watch it, bud, or Dave might do something rash.  Isn’t that right, Dave?”

Rash, no.  Calculated, yes.

“Wha’eva!  Ah can na believe how stoopid ya were, boy.  An’ tha ya had the gall ta glue mah mouth shut agan.”

“What are you talking about?  I didn’t glue nobodies nothing!”

"Doon't botha playin' innecent weth me, laddie.  I can see right through ya."

"What are you talking about?  That's preposterous!  I told you, I have glued nuthin'!" 

“Weel then who shut mah mouth?”

“Why are you asking me?  I’m just all dumb and stupid, remember?”

            “Oo, Ah’m soory.  Ah had a slight lapse en memory.”

             “Darn you!  You’re being very rude, you know that?”

“No, Ah’m jest givin’ it ta ya straight, boy.  Ya were helpin’ tha old witch ta cook those children.  D’y’hear?  Helpin’ her.”

“Preposterous!  That nice old lady was cooking them some soup for dinner!”

            “She had them en tha pot, ya idiot!  She was cookin’ them fa dinnah.”

I sat down, shocked by these new revelations.  Was she really cooking them?  Could I have been that…ignorant, so as not to see it?  I am I really, I gasped, stupid?

Wilfred interrupted my deep reflections. “Now Ah want ta know who shut mah mouth.”

“Why are you asking me?  I’m just dumb and stupid, remember?”

“Ach.  Drop tha pety party, laddie.  Et doon’t suit ya.”

“Well maybe I’m just not smart enough to do anything else, okay?”

“Jest tell me already!”

“Okay, fine.  It was Dave.”

Me?  What did I do?

I scowled.  “I don’t know.  It’s standard protocol.  When everything goes wrong, blame it on the magical artifact thingy.”

That makes absolutely no sense.

“But tha accusation actually dooes." Wilfred cut in.  "Ya are tha only other oone here who has magic.”

What about the witch?

“How culd she know Ah’m here?”

Hm, let me think.  Because she’s a witch?

“Ach.  Now ya’re usin’ worse explanations than tha boy.”

I got up. “Will you two just shut up already?  Nobody here is nice in any way anymore, except for those kids.  So I’m gonna take them and find them a nice place to live, all right?  Now you’d both better help me, or I’ll smack you, Wilfred.  And you, Dave, I’ll stick you back in your stone.  How about that, hm?”

“Ya wouldna dare!”

What he said.

“Try me.”

I started walking away.  Then I remembered the kids were still knocked out.  So I woke them up, had them do a few jumping jacks to get their blood flowing and to work off all that candy, before heading out into the great unknown.

 

To be continued…