Silence is Golden

   Note from Owen Tucker:  If uninformed, read previous posts.  Thank you.

   “Are we there yet?”
   I ground my teeth in frustration as the kids voices broke the silence of the forest for about the fifteen millionth time.  With the same question.
   “Are we there yet?”
   I spun around and glared at them. “No!  We are not freakin’ there.  And no matter how much you ask me, it will not make us be there.  Okay?”
   They stared up at me. “When are we going to get there?”
   I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
   “Why don’t you know?”
   “Because I don’t!” I yelled so loud I startled some birdies.
   They continued to stare at me. “Why?”
   I took a breath to answer, then let it out, closed my mouth, turned around, and started walking again.  This bought me five seconds of silence.
   “Are we there yet?”
   “We get there when we get there!  Don’t you kids watch movies?”
   “What’s a movie?”
   I stopped and stared at the little buggers.  Then it dawned on me.  Their father’s a woodsman, duh.  They’ve never even seen a TV in their life. 
   So I tried explaining. “A movie is like a magical play in which the characters pursue a goal.  To achieve this goal, they must overcome many difficult, and usually dangerous, obstacles.  The movie ends when the characters defeat whatever it is obstructing them and obtain their goal.”
   The kids were staring at me.  I could see incomprehension written all over their faces.  Their next words confirmed it.
   “What’s a movie?”
   I rolled my eyes and continued walking. “Never mind.  Just forget it about.”
   “But what’s a movie?”
   “Forget it!  I’m not going to explain again.”
   “But we need to know what a movie is!”
   “Forgetaboutit!”
   “But what’s a movie?”
   “Not one more peep, kids!  I’m warning you.  If you speak again, it will be the last time you do so for a long while.”
   “But—“
   “Ah!  Dave, please conduct the mouth gluing operation you seem to be so adept at.”
   The next sound I heard was muffled exclamations of surprise. 
   “Could you kill the mumbling too?”
   Silence.  Wonderful, golden silence. 
   “Why thank you, Dave.”
   Always a pleasure.
   “Ha!  Fat chance.”
   But I let it go at that.  After all, the forest was looking lovely with the sun shining down through the leafy boughs in beautiful rays, the brook dancing along, trying to catch the rays, and the squirrels running up and down the trees, screaming the worst insults you’ve ever heard at anything and everything.  Just beautiful.
   Then the kids would have to ruin it.  They came up beside me, one on each side, and started tugging at my arms.  Even silenced they’re still annoying. 
   I shook them off. “What what?  Get lost.  Trying to enjoy the scenic scenery here.”
   They started pulling at my pants, pointing behind me, and doing a little dance.
   I sighed. “Okay, yeah, sure.  We can take a potty break.”  I stopped and sat down against a nearby tree.  “All righty.  Go on now.”
   But they just kept jumping up and down in front of me, waving their hands all over the place.
   I shook my head. “Nope.  Nu uh.  Ain’t happening.  I silenced you guys so I wouldn’t have to listen to your nonsense.  There is no way I’m sitting here for an interpretive dance.”  I got to my feet.  “Let’s get a move on, kiddos.”
   As soon as I got up, though, they grabbed my hands again.  This time one kid pulled in one direction while the other went the opposite.
   “No, kids,” I explained. “When you’re trying to pull someone, you always pull together.  In the same direction.”
   Finally the kids let go and performed what could only be interpreted as a dance of rage.  Then they exchanged a nod and did something really cool that impressed me for about five seconds.  The girl kicked the back of my right knee and the boy shoved me on the same side, resulting in me falling onto my butt, facing the opposite direction. 
   Now what amazed me was the amount of coordination they displayed to achieve that result.  The reason that amazement only lasted five seconds was that their maneuver brought me face to face with a freakin’ huge bear.

   To be continued…