Legends

Note from Owen Tucker:  Okay, so I don't have those other protocols.  But don’t worry, I’ll get them.  Eventually.

   I paced back and forth in front of all my suspects, giving the lot of them suspicious glares every now and then.
   There was Ben, filling up an entire corner all by himself and not looking very concerned at all.  There was Elizabeth and Fredrick, looking very nervous and silently bickering over something.  Then there was Wilfred who was, well, I really don’t know what he was doing since I couldn’t see him.  And Dave was just a ring on my finger, so I couldn’t really read anything off him either.
   But that was okay!  Because I already knew who was guilty of what, when, where, how, and why.
   “Okay!” The kids jumped and I stopped pacing and glared at them. “You kids.  You know what you’ve done?”
   They shook their heads violently.
   “Well that’s good, cause you ain’t done nuthin’.”
   I grinned and they looked confused.
   “Ben, you’re just fine too,” I nodded at him.
   “I should hope so,” he replied.
   “Howard, you’re just fine also,” I patted the wall.  “So that just leaves us two suspects.  Wilfred and Dave.”
   “Tuh, ya’re bein’ rediculous lad.  Ah haven’t dun anythin’.”
   “Yup, I know.  So it’s all DAVE’S fault!”
   What did I do this time?
   “Oho!  So you admit that this isn’t your first offence?”
   By your book.  By mine, I’m clean.
   “And we all know how flawed and biased your book is, of course.”
   Oh, of course.
   “But the offence I am referencing now happened just a few minutes ago, back in that forest when Ben was stuck in the door.  I asked if you could enlarge Howard a bit, and you said, and I quote ‘the house of—I mean Howard’.  Now what did you mean by that, hhhhhmmmm?  The house of what?”
   Why on earth would I tell you?
   “Because you’re on my finger, that’s why.  And if I don’t like you, I can stick you back in that rock to rot quick as you please.”
   Oh that’s low.
   I grinned. “I know, right?” I killed the grin, replacing it with a scowl. “So start talkin’.”
   Very well.  Although I would like it noted that I am doing this under duress.
   “Yeah yeah, whatever.  Just get on with it.”
   This house’s proper name is the House of Legend.
   I gasped. “The House of Legend?  Seriously?  Wow!  Hang on.  What’s the House of Legend?”
   If Dave had eyes I just know he would’ve rolled them.  The House of Legend is just that, a house of legends.  Within these walls are contained every legend known to man.
   “Dude, that’s awesome.” I gestured upstairs. “So that forest we were just in?”
   Hansel and Gretel, with some strange oddities mixed in, I must say.
   “No kidding.  Like the fact that their names aren’t Hansel and Gretel.”
   “Why are you talking about our cousins?” Elizabeth piped up.
   “Huh?”
   “Our cousins, Hansel and Gretel,” Fredrick clarified.
   “Oh, gotcha.” I shook my head. “Man, your family has some real problems.”
   Now that you know, what will you do?
   I shrugged.  “I dunno.  Maybe I’ll go find Narnia!”
   Should be easy enough.  All you need to do is find the room with the wardrobe.
   “In Howard?  That’ll take forever!  There has to be some quick way.”
   I’m afraid I can’t help you.
   I thought for a few minutes, then an idea came to me in a flash.
   “Who’s ready for a game of hide and seek?”

   To be continued…